Bodhisattva

I have decided that I will become a Buddha in this lifetime. I will transcend the human frame of mind, evolve my brain past that of Homo Sapien, and achieve true Enlightment. I may even get one of those knobby things on my head like Siddhartha did. (Siddhartha being the last Buddha.)

I am doing this for many reasons. All of which I will gladly share with you whether you want me to or not. (Knowledge is power though, so technically, I am making you more powerful by imparting previously unknown knowledge on you, so you should be thanking me.)

Tax breaks. Religions get tax breaks, so if I use my superior intellect to form a religion of sorts, we all get tax breaks! All meaning me and my Disciples and Prophets (more on that later).

I get to teach without having to go to school and get a piece of paper saying I am legally able too. Because, you know, I love to teach (spread Enlightenment and empower the powerless), and what better to teach than how to think for yourself?

Groupies. That's right, groupies. Men and women willing to do whatever I ask of them. You know you want groupies too, so don't act all shocked about it.

Celebrity status. Just look at the Pope or the Dhali Lama. They are famous just for being figureheads within their respected religions. Which leads too...

Money. Lots and lots of tax free money. Kinda like a tele-evangelist without the sleeze. And the fake healing of people. I call it "religious profitteering with a conscience".

So, many of you may be wondering, "But Samm, isn't this just basically what cult leaders do?" And to that I have to say...yes, yes it is. But the difference between them and me? No poison Kool-Aid. And I'm not claiming to be Jesus. Just a Buddha. The only second coming we are concerned about in my teachings are the ones mentioned in sex jokes. (Think on that a second, it will come to you.)(no pun intended)

As I have stated previously here, the one thing I cannot comprehend is how people can blindly follow another without thinking for themselves. I cannot wrap my head around a concept such as blind devotion. Except maybe to a lover, but then you are just asking to be cheated on. So the Teachings of Samm are pretty damn simple. Don't believe what I believe, believe what YOU believe. Find Enlightenment where you will, how you will, when you will. Don't let others tell you what to think, not even me. In fact, if you are even listening to anything I say, you don't belong in my religion. I could go on to explain my own spiritual path, but that is like a series of blogs all on it's own, and I don't even understand half of it.

And now comes the fun part. Disciples and Prophets. You have heard these terms before, I know you have. But in my teachings, they may be alittle different. Disciples are simply my entourage, my closest groupies who I am willing to share the fame with. And all my marketing manangers and PR people will be in that group. Don't alienate those that work for you if you expect them to do their job right. Prophets, on the other hand, are what I am going to call my priests or what-have-you. Prophets spread the Word of Samm to those that want to be in my religion. Currently I am taking applications for both positions, so you can just email me at korruptedharmony@yahoo.com for more info or to tender your app. If we get this off the ground now people, it will give me more time to get to that whole transcending thing, and plenty of time to get crackin' on that tax shelter stuff. Not to mention the money. Lots o' money.

So stop being sheep for other religions and join my flock! (That should be my logo...) I will turn you all into stubborn self-thinking goats before long. Though, considering this group, most of you are that already...

~~Samm! the Bodhisattva (look it up if you are curious)