My little heart pounded
I awoke with a start
A scream escaped
But he emerged in the dark
And he held my hand.
Laughing and playing
Running so fast
I tripped and fell
And he appeared at last
And he held my hand.
Twelve years hard work
The big day arrived
Wearing cap and gown,
I had survived!
And he held my hand.
The love of my life
Standing by my side
The dress of my dreams
I was the happiest bride
And he held my hand.
Nine months of waiting
The day finally came.
My son was born
Life would never be the same.
And he held my hand.
All through my life,
In good and in bad.
I knew I could always,
Reach for my dad.
And he'd hold my hand.
Sitting in the hospital,
His life fades from his eyes.
I knew it was coming,
We'd said our goodbyes.
And he let go of my hand.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Everyone Is Doing it....
Today someone asked me if I have a Facebook. Apparently this is some community site similar to myspace which I also do not have. I told him no and he said 'but it is the trendy thing to do!'. This annoyed me a bit and got me to thinking...
The trendy thing to do...
We just had a college kid go on a shooting rampage on his campus. Look at all the publicity and such he is getting to which our kids could get ideas that 'this is the thing to do, life sucks so lets just go killing people!' Yeah I know it is a huge stretch but really...why should anyone do something just because someone else is doing it?
So anyways that is my rant. You people should write here more often!
The trendy thing to do...
We just had a college kid go on a shooting rampage on his campus. Look at all the publicity and such he is getting to which our kids could get ideas that 'this is the thing to do, life sucks so lets just go killing people!' Yeah I know it is a huge stretch but really...why should anyone do something just because someone else is doing it?
So anyways that is my rant. You people should write here more often!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Little something for everyone on Valentines Day
Welcome to this Day
Wakening up in the light of a shiny new day.
Giving thanks to the moon for guiding my way.
There is no better gift to the soul
than each breath that my body can hold.
So Great Spirits hear my voice today.
Welcome magick, welcome sweet sunray.
Love is no secret, look all around you.
Welcome to this day!
Happy Valentines Day,
xoxo Sunrise
written by Melissa Ethridge
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Valentine's Day coming up...
Well, it's that time of year again. No, not Christmas but rather Valentine's Day. That one day of the year that can make or break any relationship. You know what I'm talking about. If you forget to get something cute or meaningful for your partner, spouse, significant other, what-have-you; then life as you know it is pretty much over for quite some time. No one enjoys being in the dog house for an extended time period. So, let's be smart! Wal-Mart carries roses for a very reasonable price, as well as boxes of chocolates, cutesy cards and silly gift items that will turn even the hardest heart just a little bit mushy. If you're too broke to even pay attention then get out the pen and paper, write something from your heart or copy down a cute (sappy) love poem. Also, there are lots of free e-cards that can also be sent.
So, if you don't want to be eating kibbles and bits for the next 4 months remember that fateful day for all your worth. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, if you don't want to be eating kibbles and bits for the next 4 months remember that fateful day for all your worth. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Promised
We weren't promised days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without rain, but we are promised strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
Friendship
That's what we have,
Sunrise
Thursday, January 18, 2007
In Memory
Isn't it amazing how close we can get to someone just through words. This blog is about a netfriend of mine. His name is Greg and I have been talking to him online for about...2 years now. We talk almost daily, although can occasionally drift apart as our lives get busy and then months later pick up right where we left off.
Well a few months ago he told me that he and his wife were expecting a child. The baby was going to be born in February and was their first. He and I would talk for hours about baby names...the baby was to be a little girl, and they were having troubles coming up with a good name for her. We talked together about the nursery and all sorts of little things through our day to day chats. I was as excited for them as I could be!
This morning he informed me that they had lost their child over the weekend. His wife, Holly, was 34 weeks along when they rushed to the hospital for an emergency c-section. Apparently the umbilical chord was too short or something...I did not ask too many details as Greg was in a very sensitive state, understandably. They did get to hold her and even take some pictures. I cannot even imagine what these parents are going through. But have cried for them more than once today.
So I wanted to make this blog, to commemorate the short life of little Baby Bishop. She only spent a very short time in this life but was very loved. And I wish her well in her next incarnation.
Well a few months ago he told me that he and his wife were expecting a child. The baby was going to be born in February and was their first. He and I would talk for hours about baby names...the baby was to be a little girl, and they were having troubles coming up with a good name for her. We talked together about the nursery and all sorts of little things through our day to day chats. I was as excited for them as I could be!
This morning he informed me that they had lost their child over the weekend. His wife, Holly, was 34 weeks along when they rushed to the hospital for an emergency c-section. Apparently the umbilical chord was too short or something...I did not ask too many details as Greg was in a very sensitive state, understandably. They did get to hold her and even take some pictures. I cannot even imagine what these parents are going through. But have cried for them more than once today.
So I wanted to make this blog, to commemorate the short life of little Baby Bishop. She only spent a very short time in this life but was very loved. And I wish her well in her next incarnation.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Upbringing
This is a bit personal and will probably be very very long so if none of you chose to read it I can't blame you for it. I just wanted to vent a bit. So there is your warning....
Saturday night I received a phone call from my sister. I had previously told her that I had been recommended to see a certain therapist in Fort Smith for depression and she decided to go too. She called to ask me if I had gone to see her yet. Which I haven't...I am beginning to think I really don't need to. Especially after this incident.
She started telling me what the therapist does, she starts from 'when were you born?' and asks questions about your childhood, the discipline in the house, current relationships with family members and especially the parents. Of course I won't get into what she discovered too terribly much out of her own privacy. However I will say that she brought up a lot of things from my own past and upbringing that, while I had realized it and come to terms with it, I hadn't thought about in a very very long time.
I am sure you all are at least somewhat knowledgeable about Jehovah's Witnesses. But growing up in a household that follows that spiritual path is something else entirely. You are taught from early on to never question, to respect adults to the point that even if they are wrong, you cannot speak up for they are older than you and thus are correct no matter what. I can remember from a very early age...probably 3 or 4 years old...being scared to death of doing something wrong and thus losing favor in god's eyes (no caps for that word anymore damnit!).
My father, of course, was extremely controlling. My mother on the other hand, was the type that would say 'you just wait til your father gets home!'. We were expected to be the prim and proper children that got straight A's in school no matter what, and always looked nice and never talked back to anyone. And heaven forbid we step out of line! We would get spanked to the point of having marks on our backsides that lasted a week or more. The therapist told my sister that by today's standards it would be considered child abuse. However, I am not really complaining about any of that, I am thankful for my upbringing for the most part since it did make me the person I am today. And I have had to come to terms with all of this.
There was a point in my life that I blamed my parents for everything. I blamed them for the fact that my entire life was centered around that church! I was told who to be friends with, what to wear, how to think....And after having that your entire life...that being all you have ever known, and then it falls out from under you when you realize that it isn't the right thing for your life...it is very very difficult. All the people I had befriended, the people that I had been raised around were no longer allowed to speak to me. Everything I had been taught...none of it mattered anymore. My entire life was built around that church and I was told that as an adult I was to serve that church...and all of that was suddenly gone! I was lost! It was like starting all over as a teenager but being 20 years old. I had to figure out who I was and what I really wanted to be on my own! All the things that children start exploring and figuring out when they are teenagers, I was having to do as a married woman with a child. And I was extremely resentful towards my parents for this.
Gradually I came to the realization that, although I cannot control my childhood, I can control how I let it affect me now. My parents did the best they could do with what they knew. I did research on the internet and discovered that that church meets ALL of the warning signs for a cult, and that my parents were completely brainwashed. I became proud of who I am and my experiences, and for the fact that I can say "I got out of this situation on my own!". My sister is still dumbfounded at the fact that she and I are so terribly different. I always stood up to my father, always asked questions and when told to shut up, I would get in his face and argue with him. He never instilled that fear in me that he so deeply rooted into my sister.
I do not blame my parents for how I was raised. However I do blame that church! I blame those men that sit there and call themselves elders and tell everyone how to run their lives. I blame them for being so critical of everyone to the point that when you walk in the door you are bombarded with questions like 'oh I saw you here with so and so. what were you doing there?'. I blame them for my mother having extreme depression because none of those people gave a shit what she was going through. I blame them for not coming to help us out when my own father was serving as an elder in the church, while I was at home dealing with a mother with extreme depression by myself. And I especially blame them...for going up to my father a few months ago and saying 'If your wife and your daughters can't come to the church then you don't belong here either'. And he hasn't gone back since. This church has been my father's life for so fucking long (excuse my language here) and they dare tell him that he doesn't belong there!?!?!?!?! All the hell that I have gone through thanks to these people, the hell my sister is dealing with now because of these people and then they do this to my father?!?! When I was 13 years old I told my father that if the people at that church are supposed to represent their god, then that isn't a god I want to have dealings with because I hate his people.
I want to get beyond all of this. Right now my sister is still dealing with the way she was raised and the wrongs that my parents did to her. I am beyond that. I am dealing with the church. I want to get past the wrongs that have been done to my family by this church. I do not like having resentments. I do not feel it is healthy to resent anyone for anything and I try to avoid it at all costs. I especially do not like hatred as it is just a negative energy that solely affects me. I know none of those people care if I dislike them or not. But I cannot help but simply want to...GR@#%$#%^@$#!
Anyways, I will stop ranting now. For those of you that actually read all of this, I thank you for the attention and apologize for it being so long. I just had to get this off of my chest. I was up til 4 AM Sunday morning with all of this going through my head.
Saturday night I received a phone call from my sister. I had previously told her that I had been recommended to see a certain therapist in Fort Smith for depression and she decided to go too. She called to ask me if I had gone to see her yet. Which I haven't...I am beginning to think I really don't need to. Especially after this incident.
She started telling me what the therapist does, she starts from 'when were you born?' and asks questions about your childhood, the discipline in the house, current relationships with family members and especially the parents. Of course I won't get into what she discovered too terribly much out of her own privacy. However I will say that she brought up a lot of things from my own past and upbringing that, while I had realized it and come to terms with it, I hadn't thought about in a very very long time.
I am sure you all are at least somewhat knowledgeable about Jehovah's Witnesses. But growing up in a household that follows that spiritual path is something else entirely. You are taught from early on to never question, to respect adults to the point that even if they are wrong, you cannot speak up for they are older than you and thus are correct no matter what. I can remember from a very early age...probably 3 or 4 years old...being scared to death of doing something wrong and thus losing favor in god's eyes (no caps for that word anymore damnit!).
My father, of course, was extremely controlling. My mother on the other hand, was the type that would say 'you just wait til your father gets home!'. We were expected to be the prim and proper children that got straight A's in school no matter what, and always looked nice and never talked back to anyone. And heaven forbid we step out of line! We would get spanked to the point of having marks on our backsides that lasted a week or more. The therapist told my sister that by today's standards it would be considered child abuse. However, I am not really complaining about any of that, I am thankful for my upbringing for the most part since it did make me the person I am today. And I have had to come to terms with all of this.
There was a point in my life that I blamed my parents for everything. I blamed them for the fact that my entire life was centered around that church! I was told who to be friends with, what to wear, how to think....And after having that your entire life...that being all you have ever known, and then it falls out from under you when you realize that it isn't the right thing for your life...it is very very difficult. All the people I had befriended, the people that I had been raised around were no longer allowed to speak to me. Everything I had been taught...none of it mattered anymore. My entire life was built around that church and I was told that as an adult I was to serve that church...and all of that was suddenly gone! I was lost! It was like starting all over as a teenager but being 20 years old. I had to figure out who I was and what I really wanted to be on my own! All the things that children start exploring and figuring out when they are teenagers, I was having to do as a married woman with a child. And I was extremely resentful towards my parents for this.
Gradually I came to the realization that, although I cannot control my childhood, I can control how I let it affect me now. My parents did the best they could do with what they knew. I did research on the internet and discovered that that church meets ALL of the warning signs for a cult, and that my parents were completely brainwashed. I became proud of who I am and my experiences, and for the fact that I can say "I got out of this situation on my own!". My sister is still dumbfounded at the fact that she and I are so terribly different. I always stood up to my father, always asked questions and when told to shut up, I would get in his face and argue with him. He never instilled that fear in me that he so deeply rooted into my sister.
I do not blame my parents for how I was raised. However I do blame that church! I blame those men that sit there and call themselves elders and tell everyone how to run their lives. I blame them for being so critical of everyone to the point that when you walk in the door you are bombarded with questions like 'oh I saw you here with so and so. what were you doing there?'. I blame them for my mother having extreme depression because none of those people gave a shit what she was going through. I blame them for not coming to help us out when my own father was serving as an elder in the church, while I was at home dealing with a mother with extreme depression by myself. And I especially blame them...for going up to my father a few months ago and saying 'If your wife and your daughters can't come to the church then you don't belong here either'. And he hasn't gone back since. This church has been my father's life for so fucking long (excuse my language here) and they dare tell him that he doesn't belong there!?!?!?!?! All the hell that I have gone through thanks to these people, the hell my sister is dealing with now because of these people and then they do this to my father?!?! When I was 13 years old I told my father that if the people at that church are supposed to represent their god, then that isn't a god I want to have dealings with because I hate his people.
I want to get beyond all of this. Right now my sister is still dealing with the way she was raised and the wrongs that my parents did to her. I am beyond that. I am dealing with the church. I want to get past the wrongs that have been done to my family by this church. I do not like having resentments. I do not feel it is healthy to resent anyone for anything and I try to avoid it at all costs. I especially do not like hatred as it is just a negative energy that solely affects me. I know none of those people care if I dislike them or not. But I cannot help but simply want to...GR@#%$#%^@$#!
Anyways, I will stop ranting now. For those of you that actually read all of this, I thank you for the attention and apologize for it being so long. I just had to get this off of my chest. I was up til 4 AM Sunday morning with all of this going through my head.
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